EDWARD WITTEN: INTELLECTUALDOM’S ANSWER TO HEDGE FUND GURUS

[vlad]

Submitted to the main page by anon: What is the main attribute of the Hedge Funds that did the world in? An abstract mathematical construct that proceeds as a concrete basis for trading trillions of real dollars.

And such is the mindscape of Edward Witten. An elaborate construct in his imagination that serves as tangible arena in which ‘discoveries’ are being made and anointed as such. In it are churning millions of taxpayer dollars.

The celebrity physicist Brian Greene claims in the dust jacket of his popular book that he has made many discoveries within String Theory. Surely that helps sell the book and promote the discoverer and garner real dollars.

A discoverer “within String Theory”! What is that?! Is this like a Knight-errant from Fredonia? Or a General of the Narnian Army? Where is Walter Mitty when we need him to explain to us all this?

There are other such discoverers like Greene. Witness:

… is among India’s most famous theoretical physicists. He has made a number of major original contributions to the subject of string theory, including his landmark paper on strong-weak coupling duality or S-duality,[1] which was influential in changing the course of research in the field. He pioneered the study of unstable D-branes and made the famous Sen conjecture about open string tachyon condensation on such branes. His description of rolling tachyons has been influential in string cosmology. He has also co-authored many important papers on string field theory. One of his most recent contributions include the entropy function formalism for extremal black holes and its applications to attractors. His current research interests are centered around the attractor mechanim and the precision counting of microstates for black holes in string theory.

Whew…what is this guy doing?! You are wondering if brains was misspelled as branes? Me too.

Impressed by the most splendiferous drama unfolding within the mindscape of Edward Witten, the World has showered on him just about every tangible thing they could find to shower. Of course the Tempus Magazine long ago listed him in their annual selection of Seventy Suave Savants. He’s been called a time traveler from future and ascribed the mind of God. President Bush has hung around his neck a big chunk of gold. Of course all the other standard prizes came along the way. And just when you thought “Gosh, what’s left for Eddie to do?” there came this: The Vatican glommed on to “the mind of God”:

(Cardinal Lajolo) said the discovery of new sub-atomic particles may help confirm Princeton University professor Edward Witten’s Superstring Theory, which seeks to unify Albert Einstein’s general theory of relativity and quantum physics.

So for Eddie it is now

Oh Mr. Bluebird on my shoulder
It’s the truth and it’s actual
Everything is gonna be satisfactual
Zip-a-dee-doo-dah
Zip-a-dee-ehh
Wonderful feelings
Wonderful day

There was just one little thing that was needed for a final nightcap at the end of this day: The Swedish Prize! And wouldn’t you know, he got it! In 2008! That makes Edward Witten a completely official, unassailable genius in the history of the universe thus far (Part I).

Wait a minute! Don’t go away. There’s just a wee bit more. Witten did not get the Nobel Prize. He got the Crafoord Prize, also awarded by the Nobel people, for areas not covered by the Nobel Prize. So the message is that Witten is not covered by the Nobel Plan! Surely he has to see this as a big slap on his face. It is as though the Nobel people are telling him: “No soup for you!”

Edward Witten has been sent to bed hungry.
http://dreamheron.wordpress.com/2009/06/25/edward-witten-intellectualdoms-answer-to-hedge-fund-gurus/